


When Not Choosing is an Option

by Nova_Raven



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Consensual Non-Monogamy, F/M, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Polycules, The tenses changing is intentional
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:54:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23635645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nova_Raven/pseuds/Nova_Raven
Summary: So long as they all communicated what they needed from each other… The polyamory situation ended up working out... most of the time.
Relationships: Colby Brock/Brennen Taylor, Colby Brock/Sam Golbach, Sam Golbach/Katrina Stuart
Comments: 9
Kudos: 34





	When Not Choosing is an Option

They always kinda knew each other.

When you grow up in the same midwestern town it’s hard to _not_ know everyone. Sam was a smart kid, a quiet kid, with his own group of friends who seemed to be more friends of convenience. Colby was a dichotomy; exaggerated, outgoing clown one moment, quiet emo kid the next, with friends who chose which side of the boy they wanted to be friends with.

So they knew each other, but they never really _knew_ each other.

Not until band camp.

Later, they’d say that they bonded over liking the same girl and trying to get up the confidence to overcome their shyer tendencies.

But that wasn’t really what happened.

There was an attraction between the two, almost instantly, both filling in the gaps the other didn’t realize they had. It was a synergistic energy, the two of them together greater than the sum of their parts. They pushed each other out of their comfort zones, trying to impress each other for reasons they weren’t really sure of.

They confused each other, making them both question fundamental truths. They were close, much closer than an average pair of friends.

It wasn’t long before their peers noticed. Kids are cruel, and Sam and Colby learned that the hard way when the taunts started, accusations of being _gay_ and _queer_ in a small midwestern town where that was the worst thing you could be. And it would have been easier to stop their friendship, but in many ways, it would have been easier to stop the tides, or the movement of the sun.

There was something _greater_ at work here, and neither of them could have stopped it if they tried.

And so it was really inevitable when the two of them were curled up in Sam’s bunk bed, brainstorming about vine and ways to _make it_ , because they’d already decided that this was the path they were taking, when Colby asked the seemingly inevitable question;

 _“You ever think that we might be like…”_ And Colby’s voice is quiet, insecure, a world of worry in his throat. And Sam senses that there’s something more to his question, turning his attention back to Colby.

_“Might be what?”_

Colby laughs nervously. _“It’s stupid…”_

 _“I’m sure it’s not,_ ” Sam assures him.

And Colby swallows, looking away for a moment before meeting Sam’s eyes again, _“You ever think we might be like… soulmates… or some shit?”_ The ‘or some shit’ is added on at the end, an attempt to bely the vulnerability in his voice.

And it’s kinda a hell of a question, but Sam considers it like it’s the most reasonable question in the world. _“Uh… yeah…”_ Sam says quietly. _“I think uh… we could be.”_

And Colby’s smile lights up the room, and almost in unison the boys realize that they’re falling in love with each other.

But they didn’t talk about it yet.

No, that conversation didn’t come until much later, almost a year later, when they’ve gone viral and their future seems like a real reality. But more significantly, it’s almost a year later, and Colby’s just had his heart broken by his first girlfriend.

_The girlfriend he got in an attempt to distract himself from Sam…_

And he’d felt bad that that was how it started, but she’d taken on a whole new piece of his life, shown him what love could be, made him happy, until…

She was gone.

Sam’s got his arm around Colby, his friend not even crying anymore, just staring out into space. _“She just… I thought she was the one…”_ Colby says, emptiness in his voice, and that hurts Sam, somewhere in his chest. Because Sam’s got a girlfriend, a really sweet, bubbly girl but she’s not…

She’s not Colby. Never will be.

 _“You’ll find someone else,”_ Sam promises, squeezing Colby into him. Colby leans back, and his head is on Sam’s shoulder when he asks;

_“What if I already have?”_

And Sam looks at him, eyes wide and surprised, because _what?_ And then Colby doesn’t know what possesses him to do it, feels like he didn’t have any control over this inevitability to begin with, when he leans in and he kisses Sam.

And there’s no other logical next course of action for Sam but to kiss him back. And so he does, and Colby lets out a groan into the kiss, and Sam sucks in a breath because _fuck_ he immediately wants to hear more of that noise and Colby is pushing him back into the bed and then Sam knocks his elbow painfully into the foot of the bed and they both freeze, as reality slowly sets in.

 _“Sam...”_ And there’s something vulnerable in Colby’s voice, and he’s doing a terrible job of hiding how scared he is that he’s really fucked this up, and Sam’s a little overwhelmed but in no way does he want this to stop.

 _“Don’t stop,”_ Sam whispers, pushing fingers into Colby’s hair, terrified blue eyes staring at each other, _“God… don’t stop…”_

And it’s not the first time either uses the phrase, as they both come undone by each other’s hands that night, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

Sam broke up with his girlfriend the next week. It’s not that Colby really minded (too much, and really that should have been a clue to the path their relationship would take) that Sam was dating her, but Sam felt too guilty to keep it up after he had technically cheated on her, with his best friend no less. And the break up was rough, but having Colby's arms to fall into certainly helped pad the landing.

Because in the end, it wasn’t the high school girls who mattered. It was Sam and Colby. And they schemed and planned and made their plan for the future a tangible reality by the time that the bright day of high school graduation came. Because they'd made it through high school, and they could see a whole future stretched out in front of them.

They held their graduation parties together. And that night, once all the family and celebrating friends had cleared out, was when Colby kissed Sam lovingly into the mattress and pressed into his body for the first time. And Sam was so goddamn beautiful, and Sam's thoughts echoed the same about Colby, and everything was right, and good, and wonderful with their relationship, friendship and more when they finally moved out to LA on their own.

But of course, it was the move out to LA that almost ruined their relationship. Money was tight, and they were both working full time jobs just trying to make ends meet while they did YouTube in their spare time, trying to make this new platform work. Their first paycheck from YouTube was almost insulting, and there was no sweet taste to the sex they had that night. It was desperate, primal, Colby growling as Sam held him down by his hair and thrust inside of him.

There was an almost two week period there where they didn’t talk, just worked and fucked, until Colby got home late one night from an unexpected double and found Sam crying over a tub of ice cream in their shared kitchen.

 _"Sam?"_ Colby asks.

And Sam shakes his head. _"I_ _just fucking miss you, dude,"_ He whispers, and Colby can't stop how he moves towards Sam, just sweeping his partner up in his arms.

_"God, I miss you too..."_

And that didn’t solve all of their problems, but there was love and support in the conversation they had that night, and in the sex that followed, and Sam and Colby were reminded why they started this whole thing in the first place.

And things got better after that.

And they weren’t out on camera, keeping their relationship being more than platonic to between them and their families, but when they met Katrina she seemed to _know_. And Colby didn’t know what to do with Katrina at first and the effect she had on Sam, her bubbly sweetness and contagious laugh all the things he wasn’t. And he could see the way Sam went all doe-eyed around her.

He knew his boyfriend. Knew him too well.

So when Kat sat him down one day, alone, Colby knew what was happening.

 _“You want to date him, right?”_ Colby asks quietly, fidgeting with the bracelet on his wrist.

 _The one Sam got him_ …

 _“Yeah,”_ Katrina says honestly, looking at Colby, and Colby waits for it: the inevitable ultimatum.

Which is why her next words shock him. “ _B_ _ut I don’t need him to stop dating you.”_

And Colby blinks at her in total surprise. _“What?”_

And Kat smiles, _“We can both date him, dummy,”_ She says, _“Just… we’re all going to have to be really honest with each other, okay?”_

And Colby’s blinking back tears that he had not expected when he whispers, _“I thought…”_

And Kat rolls her eyes. _“I would never make him choose,”_ She murmurs, _“You make him happy.”_ And when she hugs Colby, Colby can see why Sam’s falling in love with her.

And it was a little rocky at first, for the first few months, and there were some growing pains, and times when tough conversations had to be had, but this inclusion of Katrina into their lives… ended up being a positive change. So long as they all communicated what they needed from each other (and kept the fucking calendar up to date)… The polyamory situation ended up working out.

And then there were growing pains again when Colby met Brennen.

Brennen was a ball of fuckin’ energy, the LA native always dragging Colby out to do new and exciting things, things he couldn't help but ramble to Sam about when he got home. It really shouldn’t have come of any surprise to Sam when Colby sat him and Brennen down for another talk. And maybe Sam was a little jealous, yeah, because why wouldn’t he be when he could see how Brennen made Colby laugh and fall into him with an easy, casual energy? But then, he had no leg to stand on to say no, and so, with the consent of all parties involved, even Kat, Brennen was added to their slowly expanding polycule.

It was a little rough when Sam and Kat decided to announce their relationship publicly. Colby didn’t want to come out publicly yet, either as bi or dating Sam, and Colby knew it was getting harder for Sam and Kat to hide their relationship in public. He was happy for them, knew it would be good for both of them to not have to hide, but... 

Didn’t mean it didn’t still sting a little bit.

It was really only thanks to Brennen that Colby was okay through that. Brennen took him out to dinner, bought him flowers, and just generally was super affectionate. Brennen started being more affectionate on camera, although never beyond the realm of deniability, but Colby was okay with that.

Unfortunately, there was some internalized homophobia in both of them. It was okay for them to be gay as long as no one knew about it outside of their friend group. But where Colby’s parents knew at this point, Brennen’s family was still in the dark. When asked, Brennen muttered something dark about his dad, and almost immediately changed the subject. Maybe they’d come out someday. But then was not the time. They both had some growing to do before they made that decision.

And Colby really was okay with not being out on social media. At least for now.

For now, Sam had Kat. And Colby had Brennen. And Sam and Colby had each other. Their channels were growing, and Sam and Colby moving into the first Trap House marked an era of about a year of peace and stability for their little poly family.

Peace, that was, until Sam and Kat found Colby sitting in the living room playing video games when he was supposed to be at Brennen’s.

 _“Colby?”_ He’s mashing at the controls, swearing loudly, and Sam knows immediately that something’s wrong.

And then Colby turns to look at him, setting the controller down, and there’s a barely masked hurt in his eyes. _“Brennen’s got a new girlfriend…”_ He says, and his character dies on screen, _“And she’s mono. So uh… he’s giving that a chance.”_

 _“Colby…”_ Kat breathes and Sam swallows, anger at Brennen roaring up in his chest.

 _“Bro…”_ Sam murmurs, and he doesn’t even have to say anything to Kat. She just kisses him, and says,

 _“I’ll see you later, okay?”_ Sam just nods, and Kat’s out the door, Sam retreating to Colby. Colby sniffles, and Sam kisses him softly when he wraps his arms around him.

 _“I just…”_ And Colby shudders in his arms, sniffling, and there's alcohol on his breath, _“Fuck, Sam, I was falling in love with him…”_

 _“Babe…”_ Sam murmurs, kissing Colby again, _“I’m so sorry…”_

 _“Fuck…”_ And Colby kisses Sam desperately. Sam has enough presence of mind to move them to his room, still kissing like they might drown otherwise and it's a miracle they made it to the bed at all. And if Colby cries after Sam finishes inside of him, Sam won’t judge him. He’ll just hold him a little tighter and try to support him in any way he can.

And Kat really was a wonderful metamour. She didn’t begrudge Colby the extra time he needed with Sam in the aftermath of his breakup with Brennen. She just supported them the best she could, bringing Colby food and sweets and trying to cheer him up. She even tried to set him up with a few of her “poly friendly” friends, and Colby was so grateful to have her in his and Sam’s life.

Of course, nothing ended up working out long term with those friends, but Sam and Colby’s channel was really taking off so that was okay. They moved into the apartments soon after, and between balancing relationships, channel stuff, and their friends, Colby and Sam moved past Brennen.

The move into separate apartments marked a change in their relationship. Colby and Sam still loved each other, were still dating and sleeping together, but something definitely shifted. It was the first time they hadn’t lived in the same space in three years, and it took quite a while for the both of them to get used to having their own identities and spaces. Sam and Katrina were still dating, and Colby knew Sam had been considering and planning his future with her.

Their polycule was shifting, Katrina moving in as Sam’s primary partner. And Colby wanted to be bitter, but it had happened so organically that he couldn’t be.

Because Sam and Colby were the unstoppable duo, yeah, but Sam and Katrina’s chemistry was hard to ignore, and the space between Sam and Colby gave them the space to realize what they all really needed out of their relationships.

And that was, of course, when Brennen reintroduced himself into Colby’s life.

Colby had heard through the grapevine that he and his girlfriend had broken up, but he honestly hadn’t expected Brennen to come over and try to get him back.

The first time Brennen came over he got a door slammed in his face.

The second time, Colby didn’t answer the door, but he later found a bouquet of roses that had been left on the floor outside of his door.

The third time Colby ignored the knocking again, until he opened the door to go downstairs to the gym later that night and accidentally let a had-been-sleeping-against-the-door Brennen tumble into his apartment.

 _“Dude… what the fuck are you doing?”_ Colby asks tiredly. His chest hurts even seeing Brennen.

And Brennen’s trying to regroup from his tumble, but he’s still a little bit out of it when he tries to explain. _“Dude… I fucked up,”_ Brennen says, eyes earnest on Colby even as he tries to wake himself up. _“Please, just… can we talk?”_

And Colby sighs, but his heart still has a soft spot for Brennen, so he lets Brennen in.

 _“Just talking,”_ He threatens, as Brennen stumbles in. _“I’m still mad at you.”_

 _“I know,”_ Brennen says, _“I fucked up. Really bad.”_ And he tries to take Colby’s hand, but Colby backs away, and there’s hurt on both of their faces. _“Whatever you want,”_ Brennen murmurs, " _I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you.”_

 _"Tell me why you left me."_ Colby knows it's not the easiest question, but it's the one he needs to know the answer to. _"The real reason."_

And the darkness in Brennen's eyes tells him that he knows what Colby means. _"Can we sit down while we talk about this?"_ He asks.

And Colby presses his lips together, but something in his chest flutters because after all of this he’s still in love with Brennen, so he nods. He can hear Kat and Sam in his head, warning him to be careful. So they sit down on Colby’s couch, and he looks at Brennen expectantly.

And Brennen swallows, looking down at the ground before he quietly admits, _"My dad used to tell me that everything he did to me and Jake and my mom was because I was queer."_

And then Colby gets it. And he doesn't press Brennen any further because he can see the connections now; Brennen's reluctance to come out, him letting a girl talk him into being mono... it all lines up.

Brennen continues anyway. _"I'm sorry I took that out on you,"_ He whispers, _"You uh... you didn't deserve it."_

 _"I didn't,"_ Colby agrees, and there's still a raw spot in his chest where the betrayal sat, but he gets it now. So he reaches for Brennen's hand, and there's something lost and broken but hopeful in Brennen's face when he take it. _"You do that again... we're done for good, okay?"_

And Brennen nods, but he smiles a watery smile, and Colby feels his heart fall for Brennen all over again.

Sam was pissed, Colby knew he would be. After a five minute rant about _cheating bastard,_ and _fucking dick_ , and _how the fuck can you give him another chance?_ Colby only has one defense.

 _“Because I love him,”_ Colby says simply, _“And I think he deserves another chance. I get why he did it, and... he's gonna fix it this time.”_

And Sam sighs, and grumbles, but he lets it go. Because he’s never been much good at talking Colby out of something once he’s got his heart set on it. So he calls Brennen, and definitely threatens some supreme bodily harm if he hurts Colby again.

And Brennen apologizes. Promises to make it right.

Sam will believe it when he sees it.

And it was almost four months before Colby let Brennen kiss him again, four months later when Sam and Kat and Colby and Brennen were all out admiring the Christmas lights that lit up downtown LA.

Sam and Kat are a little up ahead, and Brennen’s got an arm around Colby, and Colby reminds him, _“Dude, we’re in public, someone could see us.”_ Because that was always the problem with their relationship, because neither of them were confident enough to come out before.

Because Brennen was always scared of himself.

And Brennen responds, _“Yeah… and?”_ And Colby looks at him with wide eyes. And there’s a nervous smile on his lips, but confidence in his eyes. _“I’m all in, dude. Like, this thing with you, whatever it might be… I’m all in.”_

And Colby’s eyes are suddenly burning with tears, and he doesn’t give a singular fuck about anyone else around them when he kisses Brennen hard on the mouth in public.

It was all over their fandom four hours later, some passerby fan having caught a photo of their liplock. And it was never how Colby or Brennen had intended to come out, but it seemed to suit them somehow. Breaking their part of the internet. Some people screamed _scam_ and _prank_ , but that didn’t matter to Colby or Brennen. And after a few obligatory grumbles, Sam did make a concerted effort to be nicer to Brennen, who had literally come out to the public to show his support to his boyfriend.

Because Colby’s happiness was worth a little biting his tongue.

And it wasn’t always smooth, and it wasn’t always easy, but their little polycule survived. Despite Kat and Brennen checking in with them, Sam and Colby never felt the need to come out to their fans. Their relationship had shifted, and while they were certainly more than friends, their relationship could probably best be described more as a best friends with benefits relationship than that of a traditional one. But that was okay. That was all they needed from each other.

And being poly in a monogamous world was never the simplest thing, but in the end, it made them all happy.

And wasn’t that what really mattered?

**Author's Note:**

> So, I realized that despite being poly myself I've never actually written about healthy poly in my stories. So uh... here you go. 
> 
> No idea what this is about, and it's a little bit different than my usual stuff, but I like it.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed, and let me know what you think!


End file.
